The five love languages have no scientific backing yet empirically, gifts are my love language. Maybe it’s an addiction to purchases, an affinity for thingamabobs, but to take note of loved ones’ likes, style, needs, and find something to give is a treat, a pleasure, a gift for the recipient and honestly, myself.
A gift can be a window into how other people see you. Even the most low effort purchase or creation requires a thought, a noticing of your presence with a present. In Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar (a wonderful novel gaining popularity according to the subway readers I’ve sighted lately), the main character picks up a coffee for someone and notes it as, “... a small gift to communicate that he’d been thinking of her before he saw her.” I loved this frame. A gift as a small gesture towards object permanence, the fact that I’m thinking about you even though I don’t see you. Maybe I’m not sure I know you as well as I want to, or maybe we don’t speak as often as I’d like, and a gift is a token to remind us both you’re on my mind.
I originally wrote this gift guide with the intention of sending it out ahead of the holidays, but the holidays got ahead of me. Then I asked myself, why limit the gift giving timeline? In celebration of my birthday, a time to give me gifts if you so choose to, here’s ideas and suggestions to find your way into gifting. I don’t think gifts need to be expensive or extravagant to make an impression, even though those can be nice too. The thought is truly what counts.
Without further ado, some gift suggestions.
Birth year (or just vintage) trinkets.
If you know a loved ones’ birth year or specific interest, eBay and Etsy could be your best friends. Pick one of their interests, search that interest plus the birth year (such as “penguins 1971”1), and find mugs, pins, plates, keychains, sweatshirts, and other commemorative items they did not have the chance to purchase at the time because they were busy being BIRTHED. You don’t have to use their birth year if you know they’ll appreciate vintage finds in general, but it’s a fun way to narrow your search.
For example, do you know someone who was born in 1986 and loves DisneyLand and Star Wars? This Star Tours keychain2 is waiting for them. Or maybe they’re actually a Star Trek fan born in 1979. These trading cards3 could be fun! Perhaps you have a friend born in 1994 who has or wants to own an Old English Sheepdog. Get them this sweatshirt4. Got a Swiftie born in 2008? Save this nutcracker5 for a Christmas surprise.
Calendars.
Another item to watch out for is when someone’s birth year matches the upcoming calendar year, or just find old calendars that match the current year for fun! For example, the 2025 calendar will be a match for the years 1958, 1969, 1975, and more! You could get a vintage dish towel calendar from 19696, or a floral plate from 20037, or the COLT Studios Leather calendar from 20148.
Personally, I live and die by my calendar so perpetual calendars are always fun to me too. I gave my dad a Puzzle-A-Day wooden calendar and I received thanks and occasional grumbles when the daily puzzle is an especially difficult one to solve. This new slider calendar from the MoMA looks so satisfying. The dachshund lover in your life would probably enjoy turning these blocks every day.
Cash (with a note).
Money can get written off as a thoughtless gift, but everyone loves cash and you can put some thought into it! In 2022, I sent a few friends $5 and a small bag of “2019” confetti and told them to buy a treat, put music on, and dance like it’s 2019 and you have no idea what the years ahead will hold. They loved it! I’ve received checks with the instructions that I need to spend it on something fun like a nice dinner or a frivolous purchase. As if I needed permission, but I appreciate the encouragement! Adding a note can make cold hard cash a little warmer.
Magazines.
Print seems like a thing of the past but it’s making a comeback, and you can support the comeback through gift giving! Golfers may appreciate a Golfers Journal subscription, and celebrity watchers could enjoy getting People in their home instead of just browsing the headlines at the grocery checkout. You may not be able to afford to buy someone tickets to the Cowboy Carter tour, but you can probably afford to buy them the upcoming Beyoncé cover issue from W magazine. If you know someone who cannot stop looking at Zillow listings, get them away from the screen and into an issue of Architectural Digest or Dwell.
Obviously you can gift year-long subscriptions, but even a one-off issue can bring delight, and you could pair it with cozy socks in the winter, or a beach tote in the summer if it doesn't feel like enough of a gift on its own.
Edibles.
The ability to gift cannabis, a gift that keeps on giving, is expanding across the USA, but those aren’t the only edibles I’m speaking of. Goldbelly is a great way to give tastes of different regions or chefs someone normally can’t access, like a bagel brunch straight from NYC, a Tennessee BBQ dinner, or a Cotton Candy Cake from California. A favorite gift of mine recently has been custom wrappers on Tony’s Chocolonely bars like the ones pictured above. The chocolate’s fantastic and gigantic, and I can finally put those iPhone selfies to good use!
You can also never go wrong with a bottle of wine or liquor, especially if it’s one you’ve sampled yourself and know they’ll enjoy!
Books.
Like I would leave out another beloved form of print! A friend bought me a blind date with a book once9, and opening up The Friend by Sigrid Nunez introduced me to an author I keep returning to. While browsing the bargain section of Barnes and Noble, I found Rover by Andrew Grant (pictured above), the perfect pick-me-up for Dustin after a disappointing work week (gigantic photo books around a person’s interests are simply FUN). Another friend bought me a book of writing prompts, a nice reminder that someone who loves me wants me to keep writing.
Support local bookstores that align with your loved ones’ interests, like BEM Books & More which focuses on Black stories in food and cooking, The Ripped Bodice for the romance readers in your life, or Kinokuniya for the most manga. There’s also nothing wrong with a used book! I personally love to see what other people highlighted, read notes written by gift-givers past, and see old book covers because they really don’t make them like they used to.
Found objects.
Did you know you don’t have to wait till it’s two weeks before Christmas or a birthday party to pick up a gift? If you see something out in the wild that reminds you of someone, make note of it to buy later, or if you have the means, buy it now! You can save it for that special event, or surprise them just because and relieve yourself of the pressure of buying gifts centered around holidays.
Exactly what they want.
Okay, I admit that after spouting off this list of general gift inspiration, there are times when there’s a very specific thing I want. Maybe you’re a parent who really can’t handle your kid receiving another gigantic playset you don’t have the space for, or you just moved into a new home and have a list of items you’d love your friends and family to buy you for Christmas. Giftster is great for this purpose. You can link to anything you want, and people can buy that exact thing and mark it as purchased so you don’t get 3 pairs of the same shoes (you as the receiver don’t get any notifications or see what’s been marked as purchased). It’s a nice way to make it easy for people to get the exact thing you’ve been looking for without having to think too hard about it!
Your presence.
At the end of the day, all we have is time! Give it freely to the people you love. Take them out to dinner, see a play, hike through the woods, meander in a museum, fly kites in the park, binge a show, cook a meal, get coffee, go on a Costco run, I could keep going! Recognize the gift of their presence in your life, even in the most mundane moments. The true ones will appreciate it more than all the gizmos and gadgets!
Closing.
The gift-giver in me wants to keep going, I loved googling and browsing and remembering and ideating on all these gifts. Writing this guide has been a gift to me, and you reading it is a gift too. Thank you for your presence 🎁
The first page of eBay results for this exact search returned an iconic belt buckle for fans of the Pittsburgh Penguins.
AFFORDABLE GIFT RIGHT THERE.
Okay, so they no longer cost 20 cents but still, new in the package!
Honestly, maybe buy this sweatshirt for anyone who appreciates kitschy sweatshirts.
Or don’t because honestly it’s kind of frightening lmao.
Also great for a birder in your life!
The numbers are so tiny… maybe not for anyone who needs reading glasses!
Not actually appropriate for 11 year olds, but completely appropriate for adults who love leather and men! Imagine watching someone unwrap this calendar knowing what they were about to see. The satisfaction!
If you’re not familiar with the concept, bookstores will wrap a book and give a short description on the package so you can pick a book without knowing exactly what you’re choosing. It’s fun!
